I struggled with loneliness for years and believed it was a result of my circumstances. Either I didn’t have enough friends or the people around me didn’t truly understand me. And in some moments I was simply – by myself. And in those years, I avoided being alone very often.

My loneliest moments were incredibly painful – and instead of showing myself compassion, I was often harsh and self-critical.

I had so many good things going for me, yet I was suffering with this deep internal ache I couldn’t explain or shake. That disconnection led to shame and guilt, as if something was wrong with me for feeling this way.

Over the many years of working with people, hearing their most vulnerable stories, as well as looking at myself, I’ve asked: What really causes loneliness?

Today, the clearest answer I have is this:

It stems from being certain ways and doing specific things that aren’t our Truth. Choosing instead to live how we were taught was right, or what others expect from us. Rather than getting to know ourselves deeply and being willing to live as that person.

Very few people pursue this path. Why? Because it’s scary.

It often means standing alone, making bold choices, and trusting your own inner wisdom over the noise of the world.

What I’ve learned so far:

To deepen your relationship with yourself:

• Ask hard questions. “Am I happy?” “What am I afraid of right now?”

• Take one small step toward living your truth.

• Get support. Having a guide for this process has been invaluable to me.