I don’t treat friendship as a side effect of my life anymore.

I treat it like infrastructure

People laugh when I say this, but I’m serious:

Friendship is my full-time job.

Especially since moving to Portugal.

Here’s a very real snapshot of my life right now: my car has been in the shop for three months.
Three.
Months.

No clear timeline. No updates unless I physically show up. Every interaction ends with a shrug, a smile, and amanhã. Which, if you’re unfamiliar, does not mean tomorrow. It means sometime between now and the heat death of the universe.

I honestly can’t be mad about it. Because Portugal isn’t transactional. It’s genuinely a relational culture.

Nothing moves here because you filled out the right form. Money fixes nothing (I’m serious). Things move because someone knows you. Because you chatted. Because you asked about their kid. Because you became a person, not a task to complete. 

Which is beautiful.
And also very unforgiving if you don’t have relationships.

So instead of waiting to feel settled, I started acting like relationships were the thing that would make me settled.

My husband baked sourdough for our banker while we were trying to get a mortgage. The starter came from a friend back in California, dehydrated, packed, flown across the Atlantic. (YOU CAN DO THAT AND IT WORKS!) 

The mortgage didn’t work out. 

But hey, Nunu and Eugénia at the bank LOVE US.

My first couch friend here came from a random padel game organized in a WhatsApp group. Someone mentioned it was her birthday, so I brought flowers. She’s now one of my closest people.

On dog walks, I made a point to learn all the dogs’ names on our regular route. Which are all hilariously American. Jessica. Kevin. Scott. It’s absurd, it breaks the ice instantly, and somehow it taught me more Portuguese and local respect than any app ever could. 

None of this is impressive.

That’s the point.

So, my people, my friends I simply haven’t met yet…

What’s your sourdough?

What could you bring, literally bring, to someone in your orbit? A neighbor. The barista you see every morning. The person you keep nodding at but have never spoken to.

Where could you show up twice instead of once?

Whose dog do you already recognize but haven’t taken the extra step to know?

This isn’t about being impressive or outgoing or suddenly “good at community.”

It’s about building a life where you make connection a priority. It’s literally essential to your brain health.

If you want a meaningful life, the move is simple, but it’s definitely not passive. 

Show up first. 

I double dog dare you. 

🔥 Hot Tip: Be a Woo-er 

Stop overthinking friendship.
Try woo-ing. 

With:

• bread

• A homemade dog treat (obviously)

• flowers

• a note

• an extra coffee

Woo first.

Belong faster.